1) Never start a play-fight with a demented, cross-eyed siamese cat! You cannot possibly win; after all, they have points at 5 ends whereas i only have a roll of plumbers PTFE tape to work with!
2) Never throw the essential bit you need to plumb in that cistern at the cat in an attempt to distract it, as you will then end up with a thoroughly un-distracted cat after a few seconds of frolicing, and also lose that very important bit into the only hole in the floorboard that you could not find with a microscope if your tried.... but which the cat knows about obviously!
3) Never leave your Devon Cream tea unattanded for more than one millisecond when said feline is on the prowl... score at close of play - GERONIMO 1 : PICKLES 0
For a brief glimpse into the life of a cat, check out YOUTUBE and type in Simon's Cat... there are quite a few of them and they are all hilarious.
P.S. sending out best wishes to Frank Pocock, Peter Beebe and Ken Gray